As We Begin
We all crave human interaction, and most of us even crave emotional/spiritual intimacy in some of our relationships. Humans and many other animals are just wired genetically to be highly social creatures. If not, it is actually considered a malfunction of nature or nurture, or both.
Unfortunately, most of us end up without good role models of how to navigate the pathways of intimacy and satisfying relationships; so we end up repeating the bad relationship habits of our dysfunctional role models. As you have noticed by this point in your life (even if you are 4 years old), relationships can seem to be highly complicated. If you are older than 4, you may have come to the conclusion that relationships are impossible.
As a psychologist of over 30 years, and as a formerly highly dysfunctional person in intimate relationships who has learned by trial and error how to have very satisfying relationships, event with very “difficult” people, I am here to write this blog in hopes of helping a few people have satisfying relationships of their own.
First of all, just realize that while there are no perfect people, and that most people (though I have found a few exceptions) will disappoint you at some point and time to some degree, you really can have fulfilling relationships with people; and even You can find intimacy. (By the way, I will be giving very little advice on the physical variety of intimacy. I think Dr. Ruth is still in practice, somewhere.)
For now, I am going to leave this introductory blog with one assignment, and with the promise of a lot more words of wisdom on “Relationships” to come in future blog posts.
Recognize and Accept that Everyone has faults/shortcomings/flaws. There is no Snow White, and no Prince Charming...really. Begin accepting the adults in your life as they are right now. If you find them to be just intolerable or abusive, by all means, Move On. It is not up to you (nor is it even possible) to fix or correct what their dysfunctional childhood or their ex-spouse did to them. But if they are not abusive, find what you do like/love about them and focus on those things. The same goes for your relationship with yourself: Find and focus on your strengths.
Okay, and just one other thing: Be Kind and Respectful; especially to children. Practicing these two principles will dramatically improve the satisfaction level of your relationships.
Talk to you later.